The Past 3 Months; Sad love story.

These past 3 months I haven’t been on Tumblr, I’ve been too busy being caught up in a boy. I met him officially in December. We knew each other before, but not really formally. He wanted to hang out with me one day, so I said fuck it&went ahead&did it. Nobody warned me about this boy, so I didn’t think anything of that bad could happen. Well, that very same night our lips touched. The kiss he gave me was ever so kind, sweet. I felt the spark. I knew something would happen. I knew he would mean so much to me, but I never thought of the worse. I laid on his chest all night long. He told me the sweetest things about how he thought I was beautiful. That he thought of me as more than a friend&asked me if that was alright with me. I, with the up most confidence, said yes. The next day we got together. I was so happy. This boy lifted me off my feet. He swept me away unlike any other, with his beautiful eyes&the voice of an angel. He made me smile like no other. Well, two days later I caught him talking to another girl about going&fucking her while I was at school the next day. I was devistated. I screamed at him&made him feel like nothing. Like a low life. Then I walked out of his house, bawling. I threw up, I was crying so hard. I cried on my childhood best friend’s shoulder. I’ve never had to cry on someone’s shoulder before in all my 15 years. I was so hurt. I could feel my heart broken. That same night, he told me what a fuck up he was&how wrong he did me, like I already didn’t know. He begged for me, for a chance to redeem himself for the mistake he made. I ignored it. He continued to beg all night, so I went ahead&gave him another chance. The next day, he had to go out of town with his family for his birthday. I didn’t mind, so I went out of town to my best friend Sam’s. I missed him like crazy. He texted me from his sister’s phone. He goes “I almost told you I loved you.” That made me so happy, so I went ahead&told him I loved him, because I believe I was starting too. He said the same to me. I was scared to fall for him after what happened with the last boy I fell in love with. I was in love with him for 3 years&he ran away with my virginity. He was my best friend&he fucked me over so badly.. So it made it hard for me to believe in people, to trust people. When he came back from spending time with his family, we went back to my house. It was quite late. My mother wouldn’t accept him.. She bitched me out for him being there. I refused to be without him, so I moved out&in with him. Keep in mind, I’m only 15. This boy is 19. I could tell he wasn’t in this for the sex. He didn’t force anything upon me, nothing. Instead, he made me feel like I was everything. Like he couldn’t live without me. He made me feel like a queen. Over 30 times a day, he told me I was beautiful&that he loved me. I was never so happy in my life. We cuddled every night. His kisses were perfect. When he held me, I felt safe. Like nothing in the world could harm me. I wouldn’t have sex with him though. Not so soon. I did give him head though. A few days later, I decided to give it up to him. It was the best sex I had ever had in my life. It was perfect. We fucked 3 times that day. It was pretty damn magical, for me at least. The next day he broke up with me. I was so hurt.. He left me to fuck the girl he was gonna cheat on me with. As soon as I packed all my shit&left, he went&got her&brought her back to his house. After he fucked her, he decided he wanted to come back to me. I didn’t know he had done that, so I said yes&let him back in. I repacked my shit&moved back in with him. He decided to show his true colors to me. He was pretty damn mean. I tried so hard to ignore it. He didn’t tell me I was beautiful nearly as much&didn’t tell me he loved me as much either, but when he did, he asked me if I believed him. When I told him I was scared too, he told me he’d never hurt me again. That he really did love me. He reassured me of everything I was so afraid of. I went ahead&believed him. He ended up leaving me again, then came right back. Of course I let him back because I was falling for him. I ended up falling for him so fucking hard. 2 months later, I spend every day trying so hard for him. I do everything for this boy. Anything he wants or needs, even if it’s out of my way, I do my best to get it for him. I want to make him happy. I want him to see me like he used too. I want him to love me like that again. He does still love me, but not like I love him. I want everything to do with him. He now lives with me. The people he was previously living with kicked him out. He had nowhere to go, but with me. I begged&begged my mother. She finally let him. We are the only family he has had that cares about him&loves him. We give him everything he needs. Even money when he doesn’t ask for it. His real mother didn’t want him, nor did his adopted mother. ; I know I can’t make someone love me, I want him to love me like I love him so badly again.. I need him. I want him so fucking much. I don’t know what else to do anymore. He makes me so upset, but he makes me so happy. He makes me feel like I’m everything, but also makes me feel like trash. He makes me want to kill myself, but makes me want to live forever just to spend it with him. I’m so lost.. There’s so much more to it, but it’s so bad I shouldn’t say it. Not to mention, I’m in Vocational school&have to leave soon. xD But that pretty much sums it up.

(via shot-at-redemption)